If chasing the approval of other people’s life becomes a continuous Procrustean bed, where a person in fear does not justify its image, stress bends in the relevant approved position and continues to choose any of the available life scenario, where it somehow in this bent posture taken. And the existence of such a universally accepted as something proper and correct. In the meantime, if you do not be afraid of criticism and failure, it becomes clear that life is full of doors with different scripts. Somewhere we will try to bend even more strongly in favor of there the standards and whims. Somewhere not like us. And somewhere in our person, with their own unique qualities will fit could not be successful. But to go through this door, you need the courage to be yourself.
So it turns out that it is not sure, and therefore draw the self-assessment on the basis of other people’s opinions of themselves, we really do not know and in its reality. If someone does not like, self-esteem drops. If the work and deed that is not glued, the employer does not respect or dissatisfied customers – self-esteem fluctuates again. Can give up and come the bad feeling that nothing good is not worthy of you. And if this negative appraisal comes from important and loved ones, can go off-scale fluctuations in extremes – from the hysterical joy to depressive blues. But where is the truth?
While held belief that happiness – is a consequence of universal love and approval, life can not be happy. It is even logically understandable, because to please and it is impossible to please everyone. Such a life – one big celebration and the duality of self-hatred, filled with careful neurotic, obsequious behavior.
You can not, and do not need to please everybody. As the actors have their own narrow circle of fans and admirers, as well as a separate person can be like – its narrow audience. But straining in an attempt to appeal to those to whom our person does not like, often simply unproductive.
Normal unremarkable person with mundane interests will find many similarities in the midst of the same conventional flea majority. A more original than the interests and views on life, the less understanding with others, but it is more valuable. The relationship between like-minded people with unique interests can be deeper and stronger. This rule works in friendship, and in the relationship.
But a man in search of relations after the first unsuccessful bye ready to put on a cross. This is as if he himself does not know and determine their place in life solely on the opinion of others about this place. In this scenario, the first failure in the love and respect of “significant others,” perceived as the collapse of the entire life – a failure on the exam fate, after which the forehead appears embossed stamp of defective personality.
This mechanism is triggered in informal ways, and in a professional environment. Everywhere we terribly messy, every step I want to make perfect, as if somewhere behind the back of our little person sees a heavenly commission, the distribution of creatures in his celestial hierarchy – from misfits to success.
Do not put on a no crosses. If our person who does not like it, there is no great problem. Surrounding have the right to think what they want. Sometimes you need to go through dozens of unsuccessful dating and make a hundred mistakes, to find something really valuable.
And each “failed discovery” – whether familiar or work – this is not some kind of mistake and not a symbol of their own inferiority. It’s just a little adventure and a valuable experience. And no real punches personal bad luck to put such events can not. Here we must make a reservation. If the relationship is not stable glued certainly useful to analyze the reasons. Very often, personal rudeness, immaturity, unreasonable demands and expectations can actually be the cause of failure. And in this way useful or talk to a psychologist, or somehow get to own understanding of their own delusions. And if you’re at the stage of dating, and no requirement to produce do not have time, here most of all the experiences of his own qualities, right or wrong actions – a waste of energy.