One of the reasons of jealousy is connected with the peculiarities of thinking jealous, especially its logic. The logic in the most general terms, it can be divided into objective and subjective. The objective logic – a logic of facts. We conclude, building some facts in sequence. As a result, building a picture of events becomes apparent. A simple example of using objective logic can be found in the activities of the investigator. He recreates the logic of disparate facts of the offense and find the cause.
Subjective difference logic that conclusions are drawn on the basis of a single fact. Based on it, the person completes the event, in its subjective reality, in virtual space, to put it simply, fantasizes. The trajectory of thought can be quite unpredictable. In an extreme case, this madman who ignores reality.
What can help us to the idea of two logics? Errors in negotiations arise when we make decisions based not on objective logic, but on subjective. For example, in the absence of the husband wife sent her SMS read: “Hi, how’s health” on a single fact he made just three conclusions: “Firstly, SMS without a signature, then sent someone familiar to my wife. Secondly, the author of the SMS concerned with health, then he is close to her. Thirdly, SMS has come at the weekend, it appears that their relationship outside of personal. ” My husband started to think about it SMS, as a result he has an attack of jealousy. When his wife returned, he was furious! He did not even listen to her explanation. What for? He was, and so everything is clear. Although in reality the wife, the situation was quite harmless. SMS sent by a colleague, with whom she went on a business trip. He followed her to the train and saw that she had caught a cold.
Thus, there are facts, and there is the fact of attributing a specific meaning. Then all the facts are not “just” the facts, and are full of different meanings. For example, the delay – it is not just the delay and lack of respect towards me. SMS – not just text, but a real betrayal! As a result of the subjective logic of a person appears inadequate response to facts occurring. From this point of view, the cause of neurotic conditions is the attribution of facts some values that are not evident, illogical, arbitrary.
Unfortunately, more often, when people find out the relationship, they share ready-made interpretations (eg., “You do not respect me,” etc…). Not only that, they do not report on the basis of those findings of fact are made, so also do quite arbitrary conclusions. On the one fact (such as late arrival of her husband’s home), the wife can make a huge amount of reasoning: “You were not alone in the evening”, “You do not care about me,” “I’m not interested in you,” etc…
Vulnerability subjective logic that these findings are not biased and are associated with the behavior of another person and self-restrained demand. If a person’s self-esteem is reduced, then, of course, he will be inclined to interpret the actions of the partner as “you do not love me”, the fear of rejection will be refracted into jealousy, suppressed aggression manifested in accusations of brutality and senseless.
As a result, start to have difficulty in communicating, as is now the wife is not talking about the late arrival of (that is, to discuss behavior that does not like it), and of their arbitrary conclusions about the emotional component of the relationship. In such a case, the conversation is based on shifting the level of positional warfare.