The development of addiction to the emotional and any other addiction occurs during infancy, aged from one month to one and a half years. During this period, the child forms a view on how to put together and will be arranged in the future of its interaction with the outside world. He formed an idea of whether or not to hear his world (at that time in the face of moms and dads) or not, whether he satisfies his need for security, nutrition, bodily comfort, communication, acceptance, love, or does not meet, and if satisfied, then to what extent. Violations of the time produces in a person a feeling of “hunger” for relations, for love, for kindness, for emotional and physical intimacy. Such a person is in a constant search for the “perfect parent” – a man who would compensate him what he once received less (unconditional love, unconditional acceptance, reading his needs without of talking about them out loud, immediate satisfaction of their needs) and to saturate it with their love.
Of course, in this way it is impossible to obtain. There is only time in life when our needs are met in such a perfect way – a childhood. Failure to obtain all of the above from another person generates intense anger, pain and despair. And once again the hope that one day someone will love so strong that it would be understood at a glance everything that we want, and do it for us, all the time will be with us and will be constantly reachable for the contact.
Working with emotional dependence consists of a permanent separation of yourself from the object dependencies, the constant reference to him with questions: “What I want, what I need?”, “This is the other wants, or do I want?”, “What I am specifically looking for?” “As I understand it, I get something or not?” “On what grounds do I know that I love and it is accepted?” and so on.
Emotionally dependent person must learn to distinguish his or her feelings and the feelings of another person, their own and others’ needs. It is important to understand that you and your subject are not the same, you can not and should not necessarily experience the same feelings, have the same desires. This type of relationship is necessary for mother and child, mother to understand and meet the needs of the baby, while he himself can not say about them. However, for adults this type of relationship is a dead end, it makes the development that occurs when a difference in contact.
Working with emotional dependency it must always be directed to separate yourself from the other person: “Here I am, and here it is. Here we look like, and here we differ. Can I have my feelings, their desires, and she – her own, and it is – not a threat to our proximity. We do not need to give up on the relationship, by contact, to meet their various desires.”
An important point – is the recognition of their own needs and desires, and find ways to meet them outside partner.
Getting the love and support is possible not only from one person. The more sources of their receipt, the smaller the load falls on the partners. The more a person is self-sufficient in meeting their needs, the less it depends on the other person. It is important to remember that the source of love and acceptance can be not only external but also internal. The more sources you can find, the less you will depend on the people around them and their acceptance or rejection of you.
Look for something that nourishes you, supports, inspires and develops. It can be spiritual values, interests, hobbies, passions, personal qualities and personal characteristics, as well as their own body, feelings, sensations.