Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way. Indeed, there are various models of family relations. Realizing what is the type of relationship of the family members, it is possible to find the cause of problems in these families and possible ways of their solution.
There are several types of relationship:
In this case, one of the partners builds relationships with the “child’s” position, while the another – from the perspective of an adult. So, the “child” requires, gets offended, refuses from responsibility, rebels, and the “adult” brings up the controls, makes observations, solves problems, provides finances. These relationships are often between young girls and men 15-20 years older, or between dependent and weak men and dominant women accustomed to keep everything under control and all responsibility.
In families formed by type of merger, there is only one person, the strong, powerful parent. The boundaries of other individuals in this family become erased, their needs are ignored, and all their actions are subject to only the needs of “main personality”. This is often overbearing, dominant mother, controlling every step her child and talking to her husband, what to do, where to go to work, strictly controlling the family budget and planning the daily routine in the family.
These are families with rigid internal borders of each member of the family. These families outside observer often seem to be prosperous, as each family member lives their own separate life. Currently, there is a tendency in increase of the number of fragmented families.
If the husband and wife have common interests, common views on life, they are engaged in a common cause, they are able to understand each other without words, their love can degenerate into sibling, and then in such a relationship the sex can disappear.
A good example of this type of partnership is the final scene in the movie “Mr. and Mrs. Smith”. In it the characters of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, standing backs to each other, shoot the enemies surrounding them. Everyone chooses the weapon in its sole discretion. Everyone trusts each other. Such concerted action of the spouses is a result of their deep respect and care for each other. Surely, many would like to see this model of relationship in their families. But why it fails only a small number of people? This is a question to the psychologists.